On my love for: being single

and our collective obsession with never being alone.

Hi,

Just a gentle reminder: never fear being alone.

I’ve been in relationships for as long as I can remember. Romantic ones, sure, but also deep, intense friendships. Relationships are everywhere. They shape our lives. I’ve written about them many times. Here is one list:

Relationships are wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But here’s the thing: society is obsessed with one type of relationship. The romantic kind. Like, fucking obsessed. Why?

Why do we act like being partnered is the ultimate goal? Why does our culture treat singlehood like some disease that needs curing? Here’s a fact: Single women live longer¹. And it’s not just that, singles, especially women, tend to have stronger friendships, better mental and physical health, and more financial freedom²³. They exercise more, sleep better, and bounce back faster after life throws curveballs. Mhmmmmmmm das right so much luv in dat club.

Can’t stress this enough: You don’t have to be in a relationship to be whole. You don’t have to be chosen to matter. The relationship you should really focus on is the relationship you have with yourself. And how are you supposed to focus on that when you are always surrounded by your relationships with others? Other people, other things, other, other, other. Have you ever been just with you, and still? It is such a cliché to say that you need to fall in love with being with yourself, but you really do. It comes with immense power.

Capitalism fears solitude. Because a world full of people who don’t need constant validation, people who stand on their own, who don’t consume to impress others is harder to control. (I won’t dive into this now, but maybe later.) Here are some links if you want to read more:

1. How Your Insecurity Is Bought and Sold (Observer):
   https://observer.com/2016/04/how-your-insecurity-is-bought-and-sold/

2. Astra Taylor's Age of Insecurity (New Yorker):
   https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-new-yorker-interview/astra-taylors-age-of-insecurity

But you? You can survive being alone. Ffs, you might even thrive in it. I did.

When I finally stopped resisting being single and embraced what society calls “doom” (a woman in her thirties without a partner, lmao), I felt free, powerful, and sexy. It changed everything. Living alone in my apartment, making all the decisions, paying my own bills, investing my money, working hard, and taking care of myself — just meeeeeeeeeeee — that changed everything for me.

De-centering romantic love in my life boosted everything by 100000%. I’ve never felt better. Seriously. Sorry to say, but it’s just a feeling that hits differently. Even though I’m in a romantic relationship now (guilty, but hey, I stayed single for years, okay), I can still close my eyes and tap into that feeling—the power of being alone (imagining this to be in bold and bright pink)

And honestly, that’s what everything in life is about: manifesting a feeling and then living it out in the real world. Ouuuuf. I truly don’t fear being alone, even though I know being alone comes with its downsides. Believe me, I’ve also been miserable alone on vacation, feeling like I had no friends, wishing for a boyfriend, etc. I’ve been there. But because of this, because I’ve been there and done that, I believe I’m a better person in my current relationships, and my life just feels so good. I’m in control.

The power that comes from not fearing solitude? Incredible. Try it :-)

P.S. This is not advice to break up with your lover. Hehe.

Here’s a badass playlist perfect for dancing solo in your living room:

Thank you so much for being here.

Xx,
Victoria (so much luv in dis club)

_

Sources:

1. Time, 2023. “Single people are happier and live longer”.

2. Psychology Today, 2023. “Strengths of single people”.

3. Self, 2022. "Why being single can make you healthier”.